[043:365] on saying Y E S

we stood in the drive way after only at most an hour together. it had been over 6 months since these friends were together. kindred spirits, peas in a pod, really good pals. it was time for them to go, they had other plans scheduled and the call was made, "time to go!" she was met with several rebuttal attempts: "we just got here! can't i stay too! please mom! i never get to see them! i don't want to leave! i promise i'll do math and practice violin later. please. it's been so long! we're just getting started." from my mind to her's i was sending out a little mind message 'say yes as often as possible, say yes as often as possible, say yes as often as possible' (without actually doing it) i was wiggling my fingers toward her brain trying to get the message across. i leaned in and whispered, "she is welcome to stay too, you know, it's okay by me, you can change your mind..." "OKAY! she called up the hill, "you can stay!" we all laughed and she was met with the biggest smiled running child arms wide open thank you momma hug i've seen in a long time.

like with roller skating earlier this week, my first response was no, not this time, later, another day. that happens a lot, my first answer is no. most of my parenting years i've desired to say YES as often as possible. here we are in history watching a revolution take place in egypt. a corrupt democracy coming down. power given to the people and i'm over here thinking about the corrupt democracy in this house. with only 5 to vote, more often than not the parents are outnumbered, yet, we trump the vote with a resounding 'not this time...i have other plans for today'. corruption! and against the parent i desire to be. a different friend must have been thinking about this similar parenting mind thread i noticed via her tweets the other day on being a 'yes parent' and it was just the push i needed to really get this all back to the forefront of my mind. i recognize it was easy for me to suggest my friend change her day, her plans, her commitments and responsibilities as a momma to say yes to her daughter, but it's much more challenging for me to change my plans to give to my people. what do i want for egypt? i want the people to have what they are desiring: change, a voice, choices, freedom. what do i want for my children, the same. not only do i want them to know they have freedom, choices and a voice, i want to hear their voice. i want to know them and understand them as people, who they are becoming and who they are right now. they are my children, i love them and i want to not only see them as my children but as the individual exceptional humans that they are. i want to say YES as often as possible. remembering i can change my mind if i forget what i truly want for my children when 'no' slips out, that i can step back and say YES. being a 'yes parent' and being a push over or passive parent are totally different in my mind [read 'kids are worth it' by barbara coloroso]. if there are good reasons why something should not or cannot be done that they all want we talk about it until understanding is met why that something can't happen. it's about being a little more flexible. YES generally is more fun, it's much lovelier to say and it brings a lot more smiles.

bottom line: YES brings peace and unexpected joy. it empowers and gives a voice to those you value, showing them you value them and their desires as well as your own. to me, parenting during this earlier stage is so much about surrendering our own desires to grow up these young people into adults who know what they want, how to get it all without stepping on others, but valuing others along the way. i'm entering a new phase in my parenting journey when i have been able to say YES to myself too, not at the expense of others, but in a time when they are ready and okay with that yes to me, it's a good example to set i believe. i have been able to say YES to them and drive into town on our last at home day of the week so they could get seafood and sit on the wharf and watch the waves even though we would be right there the following day and could do lunch in the same spot rather than dinner.... the smiles and the thank you's and the 'we're not even going to ask for gelato we're just so happy to be by the water' and mom, you are the best, and the fresh snapper and the sunset, all this made that YES all the more worth to me as well.