looking back., a photo by urban.prairie.forest. on Flickr.

eight years ago tuesday. seems like yesterday, it always does. i went on a hike to be alone. i knew i either needed to nap or hike & this year opted to hike. processing often happens more while i sleep, but since i could hike i decided hike. i went the first place i thought of going: buzzards roost. it's been years since last being up here & i had forgotten how uphill and steep it was in places. i got to the top and hoped for some grand epiphany, but nothing but a bird flew by. i asked something of the bird and it responded two fold. i tried looking out to sea, but there were obstructions and it was uncomfortable. i like to look forward, to what is to come, but sitting there i realized i needed to look back where i came from. figuratively and literally. i looked back. it was so beautiful. i'm thankful where i came from: years & the here and now. simple. i hiked up up up because i could, even when i needed to stop to catch my breath or ask the dog to wait up i continued on because i could. it wasn't because i needed to for anyone else, i carried on for me. a choice & an easy one to make. i'm thankful for the looking back, the obvious journey i can see behind me. this day i didn't need to look forward & by simply looking back i was caught in the lovely present. considering (one of) my nickname growing up from my dad: buzzard bait, buzzards roost was an apt destination.

"wherever you are, be all there." ~jim elliot.

for once, i actually was without needing to think about it.