solidify

it seems when i share to the public something that is deeply woven into me, something precious and beautiful for our family, it always has to be challenged in one way or another. not by anyone who reads or hears it necessarily, but cosmically, the universe turns and i need to speak it again to solidify. it's a good thing. i am always blown away by it and always a bit concerned that conversation won't stay conversation and the very non-traditional way that we go about learning will make someone feel so, i don't know what, that it will become a conversation of judgement, debate, finger pointing, negating parental ability and responsibility. yikes. i have learned the families that we are living our lives surrounded by do not understand or care to believe that unschooling could and is okay for our family. we leave it a conversation unsaid. we don't talk about education. we don't talk about school, but it all comes up because we do talk about life and in turn, i am talking about the things the our family is learning. they start talking about what their children are learning but it becomes a conversation of "how do you get them to....." or "my child just won't [insert: math, writing, reading, ect...] she says, what's the point?" do i stay quiet? should i stay quiet? should i say what i'm thinking, "what is the point at 9? why does she need to write an essay? won't she learn just as easily 'how to write' by emailing her friends or cousins? don't you think she'll learn to write when she see's purpose in it?" listening to the reasons for writing essays in fourth grade i become sad and my mind spins: "at some point they need to know how to write and they also need to know that sometimes they just have to do things they don't want to do." "society isn't going to cater to their personality." "not everything we do in life is fun." GAH! society isn't going to cater to personality, but what personality do we think society caters to? something created? something forced? should we become something we are not? should we force our children to abandon who they are? create robots? sure not everything in life is fun. there is hurt, there are accidents, there is death....it will happen, but why can't we choose to live life to it's fullest and have fun when we do have the choice? as an adult i choose to do things i don't extremely enjoy because i see the after affect will be enjoyable. the dishes. cleaning the floors. scooping the litter box. doing the laundry. driving into town for groceries. working guest relations on the weekend. i choose. as a thirty-three year old woman who enjoys her life, a mom, a wife, a loyal friend, creative, active, working, contributor to society, one who votes, i have needed to write ONE essay in my life thus far. an essay during my certification process with DONA to become a doula. you know what, that essay had instructions on how it wanted the layout to be. i don't think it would have mattered if i learned to write essays in the fourth grade or not. i even asked friends to edit my essay anyway. so i shared that post 'unschooling 101' yesterday and last night i did have a conversation with three other women on essay writing/school work and their fourth grade children, two of which are home educated and one in public school. i didn't stand quietly listening, i took my turn in sharing what we do, what we don't do and why we do what we do. i gave examples of the learning process that takes time and trust and the connection we usually experience as a family. i didn't challenge their choices, i listened and hoped in my heart that what we each choose will be the best for each of our different families. i know we are swimming like little minnows against a school [no pun intended] of sharks in our learning path....but it works for us, i see it every day. the joy, connection, passion, interest, skills acquired, ect...ect...the list could go on and on. i won't tell anyone that they should unschool, i hope no one will tell me that we shouldn't, but i will encourage others to find a way to learn with joy, connection, passion, to keep/foster a love for learning. i will encourage others to see one another as individuals, see their unique qualities and celebrate those rather than try to change them into something they are not. i do believe that qualities of personality that may be extremely challenging in youth can be fostered into something beautiful as adults with guidance, gentleness and love. it's a pot full of patience, that's what we need. patience with ourselves and others. ramble ramble ramble..........