i am finding myself alone at home for coming on 24 hours now. all three girls went on a spend over at a friends home and eric was away camping for a couple nights. it's interesting that i should find myself in this alone space on this day. just before my time began, a friend and i were emailing about losing oneself into motherhood. i shared with her my moments of feeling like i had lost myself and what i did to grab onto that thread of sarah/woman and weave it into the sarah/woman/mom/wife that i am. that's another story entirely that perhaps i'll share sometime. its ironic, in fact, that today/yesterday is the day[s] i find myself alone because it also happens to come at the exact same moment that i have been requested to do something completely out of my comfort zone. the moment i was asked i instantly felt like there was no way i could do it, i'm just a mom! that was my thought! on the same day i was sharing about not only being a mom, but how being a mom has enhanced my life greatly and created me to be more of the woman, as a whole, i was created to be. ironic. as i dropped off the girls, part of me really hoped phoenix would chicken out and come home with me and the other part of me was thrilled to have some time alone. time in by the fire with the wind whipping outside flirting with the power lines. i came home, made some popcorn and tea, got the fire roaring, finished a knitting project for my soon to be five year old baby, and started writing ideas. ideas that could possibly turn into me saying yes to this request that i can't imagine saying yes to. i wrote. i sat. i thought and wrote some more. i began to feel more in tune with who i am as a whole. i began to feel more capable of doing something i'm not comfortable with. i began to feel more confident in who i've become. this morning i woke up early and made some more tea. the house was so quiet. the rain was pouring down and all i wanted to do was take a hike with my dogs. i did. i've not been so wet since i jumped in a pool last week. on my walk i learn a few things.

1. my keens are not waterproof anymore.
[and i think bogs might be my answer]

2. moses is a handful on a leash and an angel off.

3. i think rain pants are in order [who would have e v e r thought?!] .

4. starting off the morning with a hike could be the best thing since sliced bread...

which got me thinking....

[this is my mind now] why don't i do this more often? well, because the children are home....oh wouldn't it be so easy if my kids went to school, but my friend who's children are in school doesn't even have time to look at a blog let alone go for a hike, she just runs errands. maybe she chooses to spend her time that way and really she could look at a blog or hike but decided, perhaps without even knowing it that she was choosing to be busy all the time. maybe i could go for a hike with my children every morning, not at the same clip that i'm doing now, but still outside rain or shine with our dogs breathing in fresh air, maybe i need to be the change i wish to see in my family, not just the world, but my mornings. i can do it if i decide. be the change you wish to see. be the change. be.