"Moon shell...You will say to me "solitude." You will remind me that I must try to be alone for part of each year, even a week or a few days; and for part of each day, even for an hour or a few minutes in order to keep my core, my center, my island-quality intact somewhere within me. You will remind me that unless I keep the island-quality intact somewhere within me, I will have little to give my husband, my children, my friends or the world at large. You will remind me that woman must be still as the axis of a wheel in the midst of her activities; that she must be the pioneer in achieving this stillness, not only for her own salvation, but for the salvation of family life, of society, perhaps even our civilization."
~expert from 'Gift from the Sea' by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

i read 'gift from the sea' last year right around this time and last week as i was tiding up our house, preparing for my mom to visit, i discovered it, dusty, on our bookshelf. as soon as i saw it i had this warm wonderful feeling inside, i think i actually hugged the book, and decided it was time to read it again. i bought the book last year when i was on a women's retreat through my church. i don't usually attend things like that, but a small group of us decided to go, how fun to have set aside time with friends and a night away! we quickly found out a big focus of the retreat was to be alone. i was looking forward to being with my friends, but decided i would 'do the retreat' as it had been planned out. i'm so glad i did. it was a lot of quiet time to reflect on who i am, who i want to be, where i've come, and where i'm going. it was time to figure out what centers me, what refreshes me and that those things are needed to be all that i am meant to be for my family, my friends, myself, and as anne says, "...the world at large". there had been an exercise at the beginning of the retreat where all went through a time of guided meditation....it was focused on different earth formations: river, tree, mountain, and ...... i can't remember. we were to listen and at the end of all meditations choose which one we resonated with the most. i really wanted to be river. water is my thing. it's where i feel most alive. i can see underwater without my glasses [ this makes me a mermaid! :) ]. water. river. i wanted to be river. but as we continued on i knew i was tree, a great big oak tree. i didn't want to be tree. i wanted to be river, so i walked over to take the token for river but they were all gone.....i surrendered and became tree. i didn't know anyone in my tree group, which benefited the whole being alone bit....i would have been challenged in wanting to hang out with my friends. during one of our exercises we were out in the forest and we all needed to find a place to sit, silently, blindfolded and just listen. i chose a fallen tree over a little trickling creek. i sat. i listened to the water. i listened to the wind rustle the trees. i sat. i thought. i was quiet. my mind started thinking of myself as the tree. i'm strong. i allow children up in my branches. i am firmly rooted. i might sway a little, but not much. i change slightly with the seasons, but i'm consistent. i started thinking about myself as a tree momma. i don't want to be so firmly rooted, i don't want to be so stuck in my ways, i want to be more willing to change, i don't want to be so strong. i started crying under my blindfold. then i realized i was sitting on a tree that had fallen. the river had washed under the tree's roots and caused it to fall, suddenly i knew there was potential. i had potential to change some of my stubborn, strong, ways. i thought of god as the water, one who could wash over me. when i came home and shared with eric the experience i had he didn't say much. in the morning i found a drawing he left for me on the table. it was a tree that was standing over a river, the river running through it, not fallen, but shaped. having that time alone gave me so much and i knew i need to make sure to set aside more time like that where i could just sit, blindfolded if needed, to get distractions out of mind so i could be. center myself. figure me out a little more so i can be more for them. we are ever changing, so the whole self-discovery thing never ends. i really never thought about taking time for myself before then, sure it would happen here or there, but i would use that time to clean or catch up. i learned last year that i needed that time. since then i have been intentional to carve out little times here or there to go on walks, hike in the woods with my dog, knit a few stitches, a couple rows or a whole mitten, i practice yoga every now and again [something i hope turns into more], throw dinner in the slow cooker without anyone else in the kitchen [intentionally, yes, i send them away]. other moments i simply say, "girls, i need some space right now" and they get that, sometimes they need space too, from me and each other. i didn't realize when i started this post i would share about the whole rivertree thing, it might now make any sense. what i wanted to say was basically, how do you take time to keep centered? do you take time to be alone? is being alone something that makes you feel lonely or is it something that you look forward to? being alone when i run errands isn't the same as having set aside time of focused alone/reflection time, maybe i could make that time more than it is? how about you? the moon shell reminds her of solitude, what reminds you to create solitude for yourself? eren posted on this book just yesterday, a part on the idea of being alone. where do you fit in that? i, for one, love to be alone at home, at the beach or in the woods, but really don't love being alone in groups of people, at the movies or walking downtown. i used to, i've changed. not sure for the better, maybe i need some practice in that area of solitude.

in the mean time, i'll just enjoy being in the woods with my dog, where feeling awkward doesn't happen....even when i make weird faces. ps. i'm glad i'm a tree.