::unschooling::

i have this idea in my head. i've had it for quite some time now, a couple years at least and have just never actually created it. i've talked about it. i've thought about it. i've shared the idea, sometimes out of exasperation. it's the 'i can'. it can be used for many things, in this case, i think the 'i can' was actually for me, my head, my heart and the journey of trust i've been on unschooling with my children and that is why it was never actually made. in my mind it looks like a refurbished old coffee can, colorful with painted, paper, google, and written eyes/I's all over it. inside, the can hosts a wrist watch, boxcar mystery, some chewing gum or a couple lollipops, a map of the hiking trails just outside our home, a jump rope, a library card and perhaps a gift card to the local bookshop santa cruz. it's the 'i can'. she can read in her own time, at her own pace, when she is ready and on her own accord. she can ask me for spelling, pronunciation, tips, tricks of the trade and for me to read her every book she could desire.....but it's the 'i can'. my girl was in a program/home schooling charter school a few years back that was really damaging to her self esteem. going in, she knew, without a doubt, that she could accomplish anything she set her mind to, she was capable, and books/learning to read were a LOVE. coming out, she said, "i can't!!" around every curve, she would cry and say how stressed out she was, she believed, for that time, that she couldn't. she couldn't read. letters were mixed up in her mind. words stood alone. b's looked like d's and d' looked like b's. she was labeled. she wasn't up to standard. she couldn't. i knew we couldn't make her believe, but she would need to believe for herself. she would need to know that 'she could' in her own time, at her own pace, when she was ready and on her own accord. we got her out of that program and gave her space. though i didn't give her the 'i can' i told her about it, i told her what i believed of her and what i know to be true of her capabilities in all that she desires to accomplish. though, i needed to rest in the truth of my own words. i needed to believe it too. i needed to shield myself from what the government says is 'up to standard' or what my friends children were doing or what the girls friends were doing. there were moments that i needed to remind myself to look at my dear daughter as a whole: her heart, her head, and her hands, and see how much she was growing and learning as her own person [usually i don't have to remind myself]. today, at 9 [10 in eighteen days] she is on page 122 of the first boxcar children mystery, a favorite series of hers, and she has read it by herself. she hasn't asked for help on one word. two months ago she picked up this book and set it back down, knowing that she needed to wait just a little longer, but the hands on the watch would turn and when she was ready she could pick it back up and read to herself something she loved. the confidence she feels, the beautiful pride of accomplishment that she holds within herself. almost too amazing for words....and i just don't quite have the right ones. she knows she is capable. she knows she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to. she believes in herself.